Wednesday, August 29, 2007

How to: NOT get a job.

Well I have always been a jack of all trades and it has been a fact that I have deeply regretted. Among other things, it deprived me of being able to write a 'HOW TO' on my blog because I never really acquired enough skill in any field to be worthy of guiding any one. But this recent discovery of my latent talent has been an unpleasent surprise. The opportunist that I am, I will seal the moment
 to pen down my first how to. AlthoughI am an Engineer and the experiments were conducted in that field, I have tried my best to keep them as general as possible.So dear juniors, seniors and classmates, here it goes:
  • dont just tell yourself, but also believe from within that you are superior to every guy you meet everyday, be it in the canteeen, laboratory or toilet. His long nose, blue eyes, low IQ, unhandsome bike, anything will do. But he is INFERIOR to you and thats the only fact in the universe.
  • never dare to score more than 60% in any sem even if others are doing a lot better.Those guys are idiots and your time is meant for better things.You did well in your tenth/ninth/sixth class without working hard and why should engineering be any different?
  • But these IT companies are so idiotic that even then they might not leave you. No seriously, one of my friends did get trapped cos he had not taken the simple precaution I am about to disclose.Dont ever under estimate the importance of this point. If you have been academicaly decent then this might take a lot of effort. But remember:If I can do it, then so can you!All you have to do is to get a supplie.And the rest of the stuff will fall in to place on its own. Almost none of the companies will let you apply and even if some company does, it will be a cake walk to get kicked in the interview.
  • Never prepare for the non technical aspect of an intereview.Hell you are a studd and it can never take you more than a second to think of one of your weakness, strength and stuff.You have handled many such situations and its stupid to work on such things.
  • Even then if you get doubtful about not being placed, then go to Paris for a summer internhip as the last nail in the coffin.This will put a fullstop to your chances and you can have a peaceful night sleep.You would have unofficialy made yourself ineligible for the small companies who would naturally find you too ambitious for their firm and kick you for that reason.
  • But trust me.You can never be too sure when it somes to IT companies.They can take you when you consider yourself dead and rotten.In that scenario,you can use any of the following brahamastra:
  1. on any mention of your percentage, tell them that the reason of your low percentage is your socialising habits rather than focus on some other aspect of your career.This is fool proof.
  2. ask them if you will have to sign a bond and frown on whatever he/she says.
  3. sleep in the company presentation.

On a more serious note, I confess that I have followed each and every point of this post with great diligence which I deeply regret. I am sure this will not help any juniors because I believe that my mistakes were exclusive to me which may not be repeated in near future.


Neha said...

ok sad but true blog... you shud actually circulate this among your juniors :)
anyway forgive the intrusion but wats the status on your job thing?

and talking about readers i am 20 long posts old and still the figure 10 is nowhere in the making!
P.S: nice pics

Supriya Narang said...

this was nice :)